28 weeks pregnant

Baby size: Echidna

Apparently echidnas lay eggs and then carry them around in a pouch, which to me seems to defeat the entire purpose of laying eggs. Right now I wish I could lay a bloody egg. I feel like I’m about to explode. My ribs and muscles hurt from being pushed outwards. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to put my socks on. And my energy levels have completely bottomed out. I haven’t been swimming in over 2 weeks because I’m just so tired all the time. And, to make matters worse, I’m finding it really difficult to sleep at night due to severe restless leg syndrome (RLS), acid indigestion and backache, as well as needing to pee up to 5 times a night. Plus, squids has been going completely bonkers at night so all the kicking and rolling about has been keeping me awake too.

I’m sad and happy to finally be in the 3rd trimester of my first pregnancy. Sad because, apart from the HG, aches and pains, acid indigestion, alarming nosebleeds, months of constipation and every other fun thing that I’ve experienced and am yet to experience, the feeling of growing this baby inside of me has been absolutely incredible. I love it that squids is so active and responsive too – it really makes me feel like we’re doing this together. And I’m not exaggerating one bit when I say that I am totally, 100%, completely and utterly in love with them already. Even R has gone a bit soppy – he said that the other day, when he was refilling the bird feeders on the apple tree, he found himself talking to the baby and telling them about the things he wants to do with them, like teach them about all the different birds. How sweet is that? He’s going to be such an amazing dad 🙂

Anyway, I’m also happy that we’re in the home stretch now (stretch being the operative word) because I am starting to seriously worry about how much more baby I can possibly fit inside myself. Squids is above 2lbs now, but that’s not even halfway! By the time they’re done baking they should be at least 6.5lbs, but that just seems totally impossible. I don’t have any more space. I am already stretched to capacity. The only time I am comfortable is when I’m taking a bath and kiddo can bop around without making me feel like they’re trying to punch their way through my abdomen. I am seriously scared for what I’m going to look and feel like by the time I’m 8 to 8.5 months pregnant. Help!!!

Because we’re nearing the end I’m also starting to give serious consideration as to how and where I want to give birth. My preference would have been to use a midwifery unit, which would give us what I consider to be an ideal combination of medical support in a non-medical setting, but apparently the nearest one is in Hull – a definite no-go. So the only alternatives are either hospital or home. I’ve had really awful experiences in hospitals in Leeds and Bristol, so that wouldn’t have been a viable option for me except for the fact that the York hospital is actually really nice. So I’m leaving it on the table as a maybe. But all things considered, I think I’m really starting to lean more towards a home birth. The main reasons for this are a) the restrictions on visitors due to COVID, b) COVID itself – I don’t really want to be anywhere near a hospital right now if I can help it, and c) my deep-seated hatred of wards. I have GAD and OCD. I’m also misophonic and a light sleeper, and get stressed really easily when tired. So being on a ward, surrounded by strangers, away from my husband (who would only be able to visit for 2 hours a day) and not able to see anyone else at all, and having all of that going on when I’ve just given birth and am probably going to feel a bit wrung out, sounds like hell. I would much rather hire a birthing pool and bring squids into the world in the privacy, comfort and calm of our own home, then be able to go immediately into a state of total relaxation and not have to worry about being kept awake by other people, or not being able to see and talk to R. And yes I know that things might not go to plan, but that’s fine – the hospital is less than a 10 minute drive away and I’ll have my hospital bag packed and ready to go, just in case.

I feel like I’ve almost talked myself into it, to be honest. But I haven’t spoken about it with my midwife yet so maybe I’ll have a better idea about what I want to do after we see her on Wednesday.